It's a wonderful life my ass

When I first watched that movie, I really felt inspired that my life had meaning and meant something.

Tonight as I sit here. with two children. No education. No money. Married to a man who could care less about being a father and a husband. I feel to say" I wish I had never been born.

My mother wouldn't have lost me and suffered such loss all those years in trying to find me.
Her father couldn't have used me against her.
My kids wouldn't have to experienced hurt from me
The man I'm married to wouldn't have to be stuck with me.

So yes, every so often, I feel that I want to wish this, even though I know how it hurt just to think it and even worse how God must feel that I would even think this.

I hate my life right now. The only thing keeping me alive from shooting myself in the head is my dear children.
I love them, and to thisi point they love me.

The man I'm married to is driving me to infuckingsanity. I don't know why he wont just accept the divorce path and move on to a better life and let me begin to make one for myself.

If we get divorce. NEver again will a ring be placed on my finger.

Marriage. It;s like a fucking death sentence!