He went to take a shower and came and sat down.
I figure this was a good time as any to confront him about what was happening.
Before he sat down, he handed me $400. So I asked him why he was giving me money. He said, I thought you'd need it.
He then sat down and I said to him: So have you gotten the gambling out of your system now?
He said, what do you mean, so I said, you are an intelligent man, figure it out.
Then I said, are you ready to talk about what you have done and are doing to this family? He said : what has he done.
I lost it.
I said, don't you dare sit there and pretend like you don't know what you've done. You've broken my trust and betrayed this family again!
He said he did come home and try talking to me on the first day and I didn't speak to him or look at him.
i said, When you come in and grunt hi. That does not mean anything. A man would come in that door and say. I know we need to talk and I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be the one who have to start this conversation.
He then said he had work, which shocked me because I can't believe he came home the morning he had work! That was April 1st.
I said, listen, I don't care what work you have, you will make time to have this conversation with me about what you have done!
I said, you betrayed this family. You walked out on your kids and me without thinking of what would happen.
He said, well when I came home the boy barely looked at me.
I said. (shouted) DONT YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE BLAME YOUR SON! As a parent its' your job to go to them and love them and teach them, not the other way around. We fill their love bank and show them how to love and respect and live. We do that as parents. Don't you dare blame your son!
He said, well when i was there, i stayed so long that my back and head and everything was hurting and etc etc.
I said, you know what? You need to go to work. Go to work, but just know that you will make time to have this conversation with me. And when you do, make sure I don't hear any damn whining about you blaming your son or how your back hurt or what the hell ever. I don't want to hear it. I want to hear a conversation that explains why you did this to your family and what you planned to do about it.
I got around to doing things the next few hours.
On Friday he got home from work and slept the whole evening until sometime on Saturday when he got up and mowed the lawn.
At around 8 or 9pm he said he was going downtown to get coffee. I asked him point blank if he was going to the casino again.
He said no.
I did not believe him.
He got back about an hr later. Said he had went to speak with a friend (used to be n our bible study). I thought that was interesting, but edidn't really mean anything to me.
So I said are you ready to have that conversation with me?
He did and I sat folding laundry while he spoke. i really had nothing to say. He apologized. Told me some of what the friend said and how it's a daily battle and etc.
I told him, that I didn't believe he was going just downtown when he said so.
That now I can't believe him anymore and I feel he is just saying the right words for this talk, but they mean nothing to me.
I asked him what was he going to do when he ends up going again? He said i was thinking fatalistic.
I explained to him how many times this has happened before and all the promises before that.
We talked some more and hugged and that was that.
Sadly he still doesn't get it. on Sunday I guess he felt all was well and we would get intimate. I told him no. We just had a major rift and we need time to get in line with each other again. That got him upset, slamming things and all of that, as if that's going to make it any better.
All in all it seems he lost about $15,000. I feel like I'm going to have a stroke. I'd give anything for even $100 to get clothes and stuff for my kids.
I am assuming the $400 he gave me was just the little left in his hand after losing all the rest.
Now apparently he is going to use our tax return to pay off credit cards. I was hoping to get the kids a trampoline for the backyard and a Xbox system.
I could just cry.
Anyway, the wound is still wide open and he still doesn't get it and how much damage he has done.
