Another step toward something

My heart has been breaking for our relationship. I hate seeing the man I married so passive and uninvolved in our lives, especially the lives of our children. Why doesn't it come naturally to want to devote time to them? 

It seems like it's a chore to give hugs and kisses.  He'd rather wait for them to come to him. You don't wait on kids. You go love on them.

Our relationship has been in a stall. Urgent silent stall. Silence that eats at the soul that something is wrong. While I've been hurting , somewhere along the way I became callous in feeling and made it not bother me so much.

I guess after more than a week, he finally realized something was wrong and came to talk with me last night. I was not really receptive. 

However I was very open with my feelings, unlike other times when I'd try to massage people's feelings. I'm not sure he fully gets it, but it's a good start to begin with dialog.

We did touch on quite a few issues that bothers me alot and that I've not been saying anything about because of fear I'd hurt his feelings. 

We must connect physically, emotionally and spiritually with each other for this to work. We must invest time with each other for us to grow.  And it must be deliberate. 

What you put in is what you get out. 

The talk has helped my spirit a lot. and I think it's good that he finally took the initiative.

We'll see how it all works out....

My heart aches for my relationship

My heart aches for my relationship.

It's like I"m outside watching it die. My husband does not think it's that bad. It is and he is hiding his head in the sand.

We have nothing in common, it doesn't seem and we do nothing together as a couple or as a family.

I take care of the kids, teach them everything, always with them and he works , come home, sit with his computer, I feed him dinner and keep interacting with my kids until it's their bedtime and then I do the routine I do every night to get them settled in and he sits with his computer and then when it's fulfilled him enough and he wants dessert he sends out signals that I'm suppose to pick up.

However this is not going to work and I'm not going to do the sorry for sex.

This is my body. If it's the only thing I truly own, is my body and I refuse to let it be used just for sex. Like a prostitute.

A few days ago, he was sending out signals. I had a heart to heart with him and told him that I wouldn't mind having sex with him or other, if things were healthier in other areas of our lives. We need to invest in each other as a couple. We need something in the love back to draw from so that the act of sex doesn't seem forced. Like a duty. One more chore.

Talk to me.

Date me.

Help me at home with the kids and with housework.

Be alive with me.

Be with us.

I thought it got through to him, but a day later and it's the same attitude. And I'm sure he expect that I will just fall into bed and present my body to make him happy. It is not going to happen.

And each day we grow farther and farther away. We are becoming strangers. I'm becoming the nanny.

A crab will sit in cold water on fire until it is too late.